Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
