Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
this will be a night to untag.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
