I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
