I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
