This dress was meant to end up on your floor
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
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The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
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You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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