There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
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you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
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No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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