No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize