If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
