hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we're making bets on your personal life
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
