I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
