You're a womanizer and a bitch.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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