if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
is it fun? or sober?
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