Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
