you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
she told me i tasted like america
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
