I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize