just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
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i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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