can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
