I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
