Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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