Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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