You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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