a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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