Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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