then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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