The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you inspire me to be a worse person
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Randomize
