My room smells like vodka and shame
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You can't motorboat a personality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize