we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
