every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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