so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
