im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
