The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the condom got lost in my hair
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
