Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
