trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
