Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's shark week go big or go home
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
