You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
