you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Oh god it's open bar.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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