Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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