Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
