Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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