I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
