So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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