The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
