I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
