I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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