Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
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I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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