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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US

  (703): View more from Virginia

  It's the American dream

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.

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• (631): View more from New York

  ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.

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• (510): View more from California

  She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.

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• (941): View more from Florida

  He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after

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• (315): View more from New York

  I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.

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