I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
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We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
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Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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