I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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