I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
