I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
