I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize