I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
