just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
