i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
