Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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