idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
look no pants
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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