hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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