i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
