A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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