he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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