i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
