after a month anything with tits is on the radar
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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