Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
